Skip to main content

Colon Prep + Tornado Warnings

Episode LXXII - Howdy Ho...


Well it was finally time for the dreaded colonoscopy prep. I had spent the past few days limiting my food to a specific list which was basically designed to be items that would be less likely to get all caught up in the digestive tract. Boring! I even went to the awesome local arts festival and had to restrain myself from red beans n' rice... my favorite!!!! Really, I seriously could have gone for some red beans n' rice.

So, I had managed to eat minimally for the past few days and now I was resigned to my clear liquid diet. More Boring!



Can we say multiple bowls of chicken broth?


I was hungry, but that was to be expected. I was definitely making the family go out to eat so I would not have to prepare or smell any food. However, it was not the lack of food that was going to be the issue... it was the actual laxative drink that I was going to have to down both during the evening and morning that was going to be challenging.


The dreaded colon prep!!!


Of course nothing in my life ever goes as planned, so how could a normally horrible experience get any worse... maybe if there were tornado warnings going off around you! Seriously, there were tornado sirens blazing throughout the night. I did receive a call from the doctor offering me the chance to reschedule my colonoscopy. No way! I had already deprived myself of those red beans n' rice!!! There was no way I was going to endure another 3 or 4 days of prepping.

I kept my appointment and got on with the dreaded MoviPrep. First mistake, I did not ask what flavor they gave me. Big mistake... always ask what flavor. I was given Lemon-Lime. Sure, that sounds appealing and Sprite-like, but since chemo I hate lemon. I don't even want lemon in my water... ever. So, now I was going to endure an hour of drinking lemon flavored poop-juice.

I was given two very large containers to last me for two different prep times. I had one hour to complete the first container. I followed the instructions and put luke warm water into the container and shook it until it was dissolved. Then I tried to drink it. I tried. It was foul. Seriously, like a warm bad tasting alka seltzer....




Note to self: next time put drink in the fridge so that the drink would at least be cool. Warm prep tastes... bad.

I finally had to go get a cup and divide the drink into sections. I had 15 minutes to complete each portion of the container. I tried chugging it... HA. I would highly advise against trying to chug colon prep drink. It does not work and you usually end up swallowing a bit of your own vomit too.

I tried holding my nose. That was slightly better so I kept that up throughout the whole hour. I would advise that you hold your nose longer than just the sip because the odor of the drink lingers until the cup is out of nose view.

I drank. I drank. I drank. I wandered around stating how much I disliked the prep. I drank. I drank. I drank. I did my best not to vomit. I drank. I drank. I drank. I repeated that cycle. I kept waiting for the urge to go to the bathroom - I was prepared...


All the essentials...


I had a lot of toilet paper and magazines. I had my laptop to watch Netflix and search the internet. I had my tennis shoes in case the tornado came and I needed to run to the safe room in the house... the other bathroom. However, I think I might not be able to leave this toilet once the poo was unleashed.

The tummy rumbling finally happened somewhere during the last few gulps of Moviprep. And that last swig came right back up and into my drinking cup... meaning I was done. I was not going to re-swallow that last bit. Eww. I was done... at least with the drinking.

Eventually, I started. Nothing like sitting on the potty for hours until your butt-checks go numb. Apparently it was not just a leg thing, bottoms can go numb too.


In my head...


I really, really dread drinking more Moviprep in the morning. I cannot imagine spending another hour holding my nose, trying not to vomit, and swallowing that drink. Thank goodness for an odd sense of humor. I seriously kept reminding myself of how truly funny the night will seem... later.

My Colon Prep 3 Nados...

1. Tornado in Area

2. Sharknado on Netflix

3. Poopnado on Toilet


“Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.”
- Mark Twain


Episode Reference: South Park's Stick of Truth - Mr Hankey clip
Clip is definitely NOT appropriate for all people!!!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

More biopsies... where? down there?

Cancer survivors are always wondering and waiting to see if something is going to happen, so it is only natural to worry when something is "off". Then when something turns out to be abnormal more testing and follow-ups are needed. It seems like a continual wave of worries. Sometimes our worries turn out to be issues. Sometimes our worries turn out to be nothing. Either way, we are going to worry... it's just an issue of determining how much and when we should really worry. Finding out my endometrium lining was so thick meant I needed to get a biopsy. What's an Endometrial Biopsy? An endometrial biopsy is a medical procedure in which a small piece of tissue from the lining of the uterus (the endometrium) is removed for examination under a microscope. The removed tissue is examined for cancer or any other cell abnormalities.  Lucky me. Right?  Now I get to go back the GYN only a few days after my initial exa

giving your 16 year old scissors

New Traditions Losing my hair - it's going to happen. When I did this in 2013, I waited to cut my hair once I was further in treatment. I didn't want to do that again. I didn't want to do it while I felt sore and bad. This time, I wanted to get rid of my hair before treatment.  Since I will have now done this more than once, it can be considered a tradition: cancer haircuts by my kids . Last time I did this, the kids were 6 and 13. So, this time around my son (23) opted not to cut, but watched some.   However, my 16 year old daughter leapt at the opportunity to cut my hair. Even though 10 years have gone by, she had to adhere to a few basic rules. Basic Rules: 1. Do not cut my ears. 2. Do not cut your own hair. 3. Do not cut anyone else's hair. These rules still hold up and are the general agreement we make before I put scissors in my kid's hands to chop on my hair!  And the tradition isn't the same without going outside (weather permitting) and listening to our

PINKTOBER

I love fall, it is my favorite time of the year. Instead of fall colors, I am surrounded by pink. Everywhere I look I see breast cancer paraphernalia being marketed and displayed. Companies look charitable. Social media is ablaze. The world is turning pink. I live pink. It is not just a Pinktober thing. Breast cancer has infiltrated my life, it is here year round. Pinktober is a double-sided sword for me. On one side I am grateful to whatever it takes to get people motivated, involved, concerned, donating, caring, or active in the cancer community. Then there is the other side, the part that makes almost all breast cancer survivors cringe… the blatant misrepresentation and misuse of all things Pinktober. Ironically, the whole breast cancer awareness month was created by a drug company. October was labeled National Breast Cancer Awareness Month where pink ribbons and merchandise began being sold without any regard to education or awareness. Breast cancer activists, like the fight