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Colon-bend-over-and-take-it Day!

Episode LXXIII - Oh you gonna let it all hang out...

Nothing says good morning like more colon prep juice. I was back holding my nose and drinking some funky lemon-lime mixture right after I got the kids off to school. Rather than re-hash an hour long drinkfest... I think my previous blog entry covered that concept at nausea!!

My mother was on her way into town to take me to the procedure and having had multiple colonoscopies in the past gave, she gave me some good advice - make the drink slightly earlier and put it in the fridge to help with the taste... at least for a while.

By the time she arrived, I had pretty much emptied out my system. The only fluid coming out my backside was pretty clear. On a positive, I was not hungry. Going to the bathroom that much made the idea of food repulsive.

Before we left I got to open a wonderful surprise gift from one of my mom's friends... a Dammit Doll. They are hysterical, check it out here. I got a few swings in before we headed out the door. How appropriate!!!


Perfect timing for this gift...

Thank goodness I had already cleared out my system... because I arrived to the office without pooping myself or having to stop the car for a bathroom break. So far I considered it a very successful day.

There are always so many unusual people in waiting rooms. Today that unusual really meant a crazy lady who even discussed that she was crazy. It amazes me how openly people are willing to discuss the insanity of their lives at doctor's offices. I remember leaving my mom in the waiting room knowing she was going to have a long and possibly interesting wait!

I cannot even remember how many inappropriate jokes came out of my mouth... more than I can even type here. When my name was called I walked into the area grabbing at my ankles... in the bent and ready position. I asked the doctor to tip me after he was finished. I said I would shi+ myself out of fear but none was left. I apologized for any additional cleaning up they had to do in case I pooped on the table accidentally or on purpose... you never know.

And of course, I laughed and made many more inappropriate jokes. I did all that before they even drugged me...

I take whatever I am having...

As you can see by the picture I kept my sense of humor throughout and after the procedure. Of course, Propofol could have also enabled my continued obnoxious party-while-you-examine-my-bottom attitude.

Seems that I had no polyps - yeah! I did have multiple diverticula which basically are small sacs in my colon that are not a big deal (learn more here). It wasn't cancer! I think the doctor said to take Miralax regularly and eat a high fiber diet before they shuffled me out the door. To be honest, I have no idea what was said as I was in a drugged induced happy stupor.

In my head...

As with what most people say about a colonoscopy... it was the prep that was bad. I do not remember the thin, flexible, video camera tube that when up my rectum to my colon and examined my inner most being.

They did what? What happened?

I do remember the multiple days of limited foods. I do remember the nasty drink that I downed for two hours over the past two days, as well as the countless hours and trips to the bathroom. On the positive side, I had a good and thorough cleansing. I would like to think all that removal of waste helped me drop a pound or two, but like always I lost nothing (not even a pound). On another down side, they have no idea why I had bowel changes. Just chalk it up to one of those crazy things that happens...

Most importantly, I got the great news that there were no polyps or signs of cancer.

“I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” 
- Mark Twain

Episode Reference: Fat Bottomed Girls, Queen song


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