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Squish goes the right boob...

Episode XCVII - come on and squeeze me...

It is the last month of 2014 and I am officially renaming it December Doctor Madness month. It is part bad timing and part my own fault. Since I have spent so much money on doctors over the past two years I wanted any my test scheduled for the first two weeks of January moved to December. I was hoping that because I have already reached my out-of-pocket maximum that I would save myself a few thousands at the first of the year. Bring the madness...

I did kind of ask for it. Well, I asked for some of the craziness. I already had stuff scheduled for the month, but now I was doubling up on my appointments. Therefore I would just have to suck up the multiple (and I mean multiple) scans, tests, and doctor's appointments over the next few weeks. I might be crazy by Christmas, but I will survive it all... I hope!

My first stop during my December Doctor Madness was to get a follow-up mammogram. Just like normal I went through the here's my DL/insurance card and the standard fill out your forms routine. I supplied my birth date (for like the billionth time) and I waited to be called. Boring office routine!

Afterwards I made my way to the second waiting room where we sit around with our tops off and nervously wait until it is our turn. We are not really naked, but we are all in our two gowns. One gown opened towards the front, for easy access. One gown opened towards the back so we are not really exposing ourselves. However, the gowns seem like a false obligatory formality as we are all about to have our breasts out in a few minutes. But, I did have you visualizing a room of naked women for a minute!!!

Gowned up and mammogram ready...

The waiting room was less crowded than the last time I was here, but the women who were there were all callbacks. Meaning they were all freaking out. Of course, I had to try and assure them that even if it turned out to be cancer it does not necessarily mean bad - just look at me! Cancer is scary, but it is good for women to see a survivor. Plus, I reminded them of two positives about a callback: 1. Better to be safe than sorry. It is a good thing that they are taking a closer look, even if it is not cancer. 2. Better to know as soon as possible. Early detection is a good thing. So, I would rather have a callback than something being ignored!

As for me, I am not worried. I should not have anything show up for a few years on my right side since they radiated the snot out of my breast/chest. If there is something there - it was going to be bad and there was no stopping it. So, I was not worried. I cannot change it, so why fret! Instead, I was all about the humor...

When I got into the room I just took my gown off. I take the whole thing off, like an unsexy strip show. Why be modest? Seriously, the lady is about to handle my breasts... she and about half the medical community... my breasts have been busy the past two years!

Today I was only having my right breast examined, so I felt that my left breast was getting neglected. I think I made many random jokes about how my left breast felt ignored. Hopefully, it won't go and get cancer trying to get some attention. Yes, I did just make that completely inappropriate comment.

I got to use both the regular pads and the smaller pads so they can squeeze even tighter on my right breast. There are so many jokes and comments made about mammograms hurting. Sure it is uncomfortable, but it is not painful. It is pretty quick. The whole experience is not difficult. I say this because I hope no one ever avoids getting a mammogram because they fear of the actual scan. Take it from me... some one who has had multiple mammograms in the past couple of years... it is not bad... get your boobs (or today in my case, boob) squished!

After they took the multiple images I asked to see them on the screen. I try and look at anything they will let me look at now. I am just in awe of how much they can see and how fast they can see it. My boob looked like a standard mammogram-ed boob... which is a good thing. Unremarkable! I have an unremarkable boob!

While my day went well, my entire night was spent dealing with cable drama. And by entire night - I really mean that. I had a scheduled appointment for a technician to come and install a new cable system between 2-5 pm. I was getting an upgrade with more channels (all the premium ones) and faster internet. I was super excited. I had been waiting weeks for the guy to show up. He didn't!

I had stayed awake (since I was tired from my mammogram & my kids) even though I felt bad. Not only did I wait around for a no-show, I spent 5-8:30 pm on the phone trying to figure it out. Seriously! I was given the run around and sent to a lot of different people... blah! blah! blah!

After being shuffled to a number of people and being disconnect "accidentally" over the phone, it turns out they canceled my package and my appointment today. Oh, and they forgot to tell me. Plus, they are not offering that any more. I could get a similar package, but it had things I did not want (like a home security system thing that would cost me more later). I waited 3 hours for a guy to show, 3 1/2 hours on a phone, and I got nothing. I was really looking forward to watching some premium tv channels... instead I am going to go to bed from exhaustion!

In my head...

I want my MTV... more like I want my HBO, Showtime, & the rest of the channels! While I may not be watching some awesome movie right now, I am thrilled that my first appointment in December Doctor Madness had good results. Everything looked normal... and hopefully the rest of the month will be the same!

Mammograms are super easy and painless. It is a good thing I do not mind having them because I get to go back in six months were both breasts get squished. At least then my left breast will feel included and loved!

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it!
- Charlie Chaplin

Episode Reference: Squeeze Box, The Who song


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