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A day of firsts...

Episode LXVIII - You can't always get what you want

Oh Hair! Like most people trying to figure out what to do about it after cancer, it was finally time to face the world without my cancer cover-up. The kids shaved my hair after my 3rd chemo treatment and it remained bald for a long time. Each day since chemo treatment my hair grew... but it grew in with bald spots!

Not only did I get multiple bald spots - I had a bald spot right in the front of my head. It seemed unfair. I had so been looking forward to getting hair and when it finally came in I looked goofy! I was not sure if I would ever get hair to fill it in because day after day my hair got longer, but would not grow in my bald areas. So, I found a hair stimulating product, Nutri-Ox, and after a month of shampooing my bald spots had completely filled in. So my once manged hair looked like a full head of hair.

Hair near the end of Chemo  - Hair after starting Radiation
1 week after Nutri-Ox during Radiation - Hair after completing Radiation

So today, I finally got up the nerve to go out the door with my actual hair. It may sound trivial, but it was actually quite unnerving. No cap. No scarf. No nothing! I lived without a hat at home and around my friends and family. I have posted pictures without care or thought, but actually going out was harder than I expected.

I knew it was time after my tiny hairs had finally nudged out of the back of the cap making it look funny when I wore it. Plus, I had just slightly enough hair to seem like a hairstyle which I think was the problem. It looked like I cut my hair like this. It looked like I wanted this almost non-existent haircut.

I reminded myself that I paid a lot of money for this haircut!!! No matter what I told myself, I was still uncomfortable about how it looked. I still felt unsure. And being that I am me - I picked one of the coldest days we had in a while... so my warmer cap would have been useful!!!

Here I come world...

After facing the world and freezing my head off I got home to find my recent prescription had been delivered. It was time to start my hormone therapy, Taxoxifen. Since I have cancer that loves hormones, the medicine should block my ovarian functioning and bodies ability to produce estrogen.

At my last visit I was informed of some of the potential side effects. And I would have some since it was essentially suppressing my ability to produce hormones. So far I have always gotten a range of side effects and seem to get the rare ones, so I guess I would find out shortly what was in store for me?!?!

Get more information about Hormone Therapy for Breast Cancer, click here.

In my head...

It was a day of firsts.

I was finally going out of my house with my hair, even if just to the store and elementary school car line. It was like I was saying I am done with this hat, this cancer, this illness. I was able to look like a person, not a sick person.

I was finally finished with treatment and able to start hormone therapy. While I am not looking forward to the side effects, it meant I was finished with treatment. I am well enough to take the medicine and hopefully prevent more cancers. Sure, there was no guarantee, but I have the option to hopefully deter it!

It is a new day. I may not have the hair I want. I may not feel the way I want. But, I am here and for that I am grateful!

“It isn't sufficient just to want - 
you've got to ask yourself what you are going to do to get the things you want.” 
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Episode Reference: You can't always get what you want, The Rolling Stone's song


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