Episode XC - don't wanna be your monkey wrench
It's back to the doctor for another follow-up. I was not exactly looking forward to going back to the Oncologist. Not because he is a bad person. Not because I was worried about what he would say. It was because nothing would be done.
Waiting to be ignored...
The fact was I have had horrible symptoms and side effects post-treatment. I have complained (while still being my up-beat self) about these things. I have basically been ignored. None of these irritating side effects were part of my pre-cancer living so natural deduction implied they are probably related to the treatment I took or the medicines I am currently taking. All from cancer... so shouldn't the Oncologist manage those issues?
My experience tells me no. The Oncologist seems to only want to deal with active cancer and providing treatment for that. Anything else was not their concern. So, I was dreading the fact that I had to go in and basically be ignored.
As with any appointment, I had to get blood work before I was even seen and it was not my only round with needles. Earlier this week I completed the family doctor's blood work. It seems that all my medicines are blood thinners... meaning I get war wounds quickly. The inside of my elbow showed that maybe... just maybe... I need to take a break from all this blood sampling business.
The larger bruise is almost a week old.
Why not make a matching set?!?!
And just like I expected... the appointment was pointless. Normally that would be a good thing. My blood work looked good. I get another few months before I have to meet with him. So, by all accounts I should be thrilled that the appointment was pointless.
However, I was really hoping to be heard. I was hoping that he would listen about my symptoms and actually cared.
Instead I got a you are looking good, you are feeling good response. I got that response despite the fact I was protesting (and I was actually quite rude) that I did not feel good. Do not tell me I feel good, when I am almost in tears telling you I feel bad. No wonder I was getting rude!
When I fussed about my weight he blew it off commenting about how he wished he could lose weight too. That issue was basically every one's problem. I suppose I should be thrilled that treatment gave me 50-60 pounds. I should be so glad that I am in menopause, take 2 medicines that cause weight gain, and my thyroid has stopped working properly. I guess I should just be grateful I am not gaining weight. Why would any woman worry about such a silly complaint as gaining weight and feeling self-conscious about it?!?!?!
When I complained about my constant pain and nervous system problems, he almost slightly believed those could be real. I was told that I might have those side effects, but it was not common. Hence they must not really exist and I should keep going to my family doctor to treat those non-existent side effects. I know I am not the most urgent patient (no doubt), but I do matter and the fact that I have been barely able to function should count. I guess I should be grateful that I have to go to another doctor to treat things caused by his treatment. Why would I dare imagine such ridiculous side effects could happen even though so many breast cancer survivors are saying the same thing?!?!?!
In my head...
This pretty much sums up what I am thinking...
As I expected... nothing happened. The lack of understanding makes me question if the doctor is the right doctor for me. He is well qualified and very nice, but he does not make me feel like he cares. In the case of dealing with cancer and the potential return of cancer... it makes me wonder about finding a new doctor.
Even though I am totally irritated that I was basically ignored, at least I have a different doctor who is trying to find an answer... and even better than that, I do not have any new signs of cancer.
"The trouble with anger is, it gets hold of you.
And then you aren't the master of yourself anymore.
And when anger is the boss, you get unintended consequences."
- Doon's father in City Of Ember, Jeanne Duprau
Episode Reference: Monkey Wrench, Foo Fighters song