Episode LXVII - Success is failure turned inside out...
It was time for my long waited, I have finished treatment, doctor follow-up. I arrived at the cancer center to see my Oncologist... or so I thought. When I signed in the receptionist did not ask for a payment and everyone knows when you see the doctor they want your co-pay. $$ I had to question, asking why she wasn't taking a payment. Apparently, they only had me down for blood work?!?!
My almost-existent eyebrow must have raised up because I could see on her face she knew I was confused. And I was! I explained that I completed my blood work a few days ago (during my lovely multiple scans after radiation) so that I could avoid doing them again. Today was just a doctor's visit. She let me know that I was not anywhere in the books. And it was pretty obvious that she didn't quite believe me or thought I had full blown cancer-brain going on.
I am pretty sure (99.9%) I was suppose to see the doctor!
Even after all of that, I was unable to see the doctor. Instead I got a quick visit with the nurse practitioner. It was basically a your tests seem fine and here's your hormone therapy prescription meeting. I was so looking forward to this appointment (which was a rare feeling). I was so looking forward to hearing something positive after all of the hardships endured over the past year. It was a let down.
I just wanted some answers...
I was hoping to hear more about my tests. I was hoping to hear more that I was remission or cancer-free or something that would give me a kudos. She would not really confirm or deny anything. She would not really say anything other than as far as they could tell I looked good and needed to start hormone therapy. I guess I will have to wait until May before I see the doctor and get more information.
In my head...
My quick doctor visit did not go as planned... I am not sure if anything cancer related does anyway! It was my first screwed up doctor's visit. I suppose as much as I have been going to doctors that I was lucky this was the first one with a problem. I was really hoping to hear those exciting and hopeful word - cancer free or remission - something! However, I appear to be healthy and no signs of cancer that I know of...
And also on the positive side, I was getting time off. I can only hope that the next two months would be a break. A break from treatment. A break from doctors. A break from cancer.
“Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs.”
- Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre
Episode Reference: Don't Quit, poem by Anonymous
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twist and its turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When they might have won, had stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a fain and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worse that you must not quit!