Episode CVII - And I’ll find strength in pain
The weather is not my friend. By all accounts it is not even that cold. I do not live up north getting bombarded with snow. I am not dealing with snow at all, other than a dusting or two. Yet, my body feels like it has been hammered with aches, ailments, and aggravation. Did I mention, my body is not my friend!
Me not liking the cold!
The constant weather fluctuations causes aches and pains, while the cold air feels like stabbing ice picks on my skin. Even my hair follicles hurt... how is that possible?
Sure I just went through a similar - holy crap, this is bad - moment less than a month ago due to the weather. So, again I am resigned to pain and more pain. It is during these times that I resort to mild swearing and fist shaking!
I feel like I just live in continual misery and never know how bad my days are going to be. My pain gauge ranges from this sucks some to shoot me now. Seriously, when it gets bad I wonder if it was worth living. Cancer treatment has caused me so many additional life changing non-curable ailments that have negatively affected my quality of life.
Everything in my daily life is now a struggle... thank you chemo... thank you surgery... thank you radiation...
Cold really is literally a pain!
So, fibromyalgia is constantly kicking my butt and the cold really hurts. It is not like cancer was not bad enough. I mean I fought hard to live and then I end up with multiple live altering illnesses. Not sure about the irony in that!
You may be wondering how in the tarnation did I get fibromyalgia from cancer treatment? Physical trauma, infections, and toxins are known to be triggers in causing peripheral neuropathy (which the oncologists will admit can happen), but treatment can cause other nervous system problems (chemo-induced fibromyalgia).
Throughout my treatment basically any weird side effect was put under the "it could happen" comment. I think they really do not know as much as they think they do and little research is going into the effects of treatments.
Imagine the nervous system works like a clock, perfectly in balance. To keep the time correct the clock has to work properly. Now imagine that the clock gets slightly off-set, it is not perfectly balanced. The time will not be wrong. It will work but not correctly. All of the toxins (as chemotherapy is a toxin) off-set my clock, so to speak.
While I am grateful to be alive, I really do wish that my quality of life was better. Since I am stuck with what I have, I am having to learn to cope. Instead of blaring curse words and screaming about the injustice of it all... I do what any normal person wanting to help alleviate nervous system pain would do... I cover myself in a heating blanket and layer myself in warm clothing. I endure... I smile... I find the positives...
Chilly Willy understands!!!
Whine. Whine. Whine. I am whining. I am complaining. I am shocked that I am still whining eight months post treatment. The blanketed statement that "you should be back to normal" comments after six months or so from doctors were definitely not true. Maybe they meant a new normal full of fibromyalgia, arthritis, and lymphedema.
Seriously, I am in awe at how little I was told before treatment and how so many women (and men) on the internet complain of similar outcomes as mine. We need to unite - post treatment people with problems - and demand research and change and options for a better quality of life... yeah... email me...
Since I am hurting and whining I took myself back to the family doctor. Not the oncologist, because they do not see a need to treat this... and why would they... they only caused it. My family doctor really is trying to help and find solutions. He even found and new medicinal option. I would hug him if it did not hurt so much!!!
I cannot take the medication the neurologist prescribed, as it makes my hormone therapy ineffective. And the oncologist is all, stop taking that and get cancer again. So, I guess I am not taking that medicine. Now my family doctor found another option, something that is not as commonly used, but has been known to help with fibromyalgia. Bonus it will not affect my hormone therapy drug, so less chance of killing me. At this point I am ready to try just about anything.... seriously... drug me...
Let's try out some Savella.
The fibromyalgia medicines I am on work on different things.
- The nerve cells are firing off too many signals. Making me sensitive to stimuli that are normally not painful. Basically don't touch me! The Lyrica is supposed to help by decreasing the nerve signals, so I do not register pain all of the time.
- The nervous system changes can cause a greater sensitive to pain. So, Savella should work on my brain, changing the neurotransmitters and hopefully reducing the level of pain.
In my head...
I cannot believe how many medications I am on. I did not take this many while I was in cancer treatment. Now, I am like a walking talking pharmaceutical experiment. And a costly one at that!
While I am trying to find an answer in a bottle, I am still trying to find relief outside of a pill. I have no specific studies to show why heat feels good, but it does. It is calming. It is like my body can relax under the warmth of my heating blanket and dull my constant pain. Aaahhh! I wish I could just walk around in my heating blanket. Wrapped up in a warm blanket of relief!
I am begging my husband to move. To move somewhere with year round mildly warm weather... that does not rain, snow, sleet, hail... that has a small self-cleaning house...
Don't burst my imaginary perfect existence... a girl has to have dreams.
“Complaining does not work as a strategy.
We all have finite time and energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals. And it won't make us happier.”
- Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture
Episode Reference: The Cave, Mumford & Sons song
(a song that meshes some of my favorite things
literature, Italy, & deep meanings
Homer's Odyssey, St Francis of Assisi, Plato's Cave)